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All 21 Customer Reviews Of My New App, Kennedy Assessination For Mac (Sorted By Most Recent)

1/29/2014

Customer Reviews

Wow. Just wow. ★★
by Alan24918 - Version 1.10 - Jan 03, 2014

I bought this game in the hopes it would be about the Kennedy assassination, and that I could either shoot Kennedy (as Oswald or as the guy from the grassy knoll), play Kennedy and try to avoid the bullet, or even play Jackie O in some capacity.

It is actually ASSESS-ination, which is in fact not a word, yet the game’s creator apparently thinks it is. I don’t know if he didn’t have spell check, but the correct word is assessment.

In this game, you play a student, Richard Ludmark, who is “assessing” Kennedy in 1973 for a college paper. Level 1 is actually just Ludmark in his dorm, procrastinating. The goal is to eat a pizza and jerk off without picking up your notebook or walking to the library. If you walk into the library, you die. After this, I just stopped. I didn’t even try Level 2.

4 out of 6 customers found this review helpful
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it crashes every time!!! ★
by DaMan_13 - Version 1.10 - Dec 26, 2013

fix this bug!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2 out of 13 customers found this review helpful
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Solid game, if a bit retro. ★★★★★
James_Houston - Version 1.10 - Dec 21, 2013

Beautiful music. The Elton John is clearly not licensed, but that’s ok. I feel like I am right back in my own dorm in the 70s, trying not to write a paper. I’ve only advanced to Level 2 so far, where Richard goes to the school’s cafeteria and smuggles out some brownies and some milk cartons in his book bag. He is stuck sitting next to a kid who needs to shower.

1 out of 2 customers found this review helpful
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hmmmmmm ★★
by xXcooljustinXx - Version 1.10 - Dec 20, 2013

ok. I am being GENEROUS with the 2 stars here. when Richard crashes the history departments party in level 6, and u have to fight the dean, the combat simply SUCKS. you just press the attack button and you watch a stupid animated fight. this isn’t combat, this is just pointing and clicking. I wanted to kick that dean’s fat ass, but the game won’t even let you kick. horrible. the other rpg game this company put out, mckinley assessination, was much better. u could box in old school 20s style.

2 out of 3 customers found this review helpful
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Cool game, but a few things... ★★★★
by cameraguy - Version 1.10 - Dec 17, 2013

First off, I am playing this game on my macbook air from late 2009.

There is no option to turn off or even to reduce the amount of sexuality. When Richard and his roommate George get drunk and bang the slutty chicks from Hedgewick Hall, you have to try and convince the girls not to use a condom, and personally this was a bit much. I wanted to play this game with my kids!
When you use multiple screens, the images get strange. Fix!
In Level 5, Richard has a long conversation with a guy on a porch, where you have to compare a tapped keg to Frank Zappa, the Vietnam War, and the moon, and the goal of the level is to not say anything profound. This was very difficult for me, as a non-drinker and non-smoker.

7 out of 13 customers found this review helpful
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multiplayer wont work ★
by DJT1993 - Version 1.10 - Dec 16, 2013

omg can they please fix this bug or update it or something!! you are suppose to be able to play 2 player, where one person can be richard and another person can be george, richard’s fat roommate who farts and has a lisp.

3 out of 9 customers found this review helpful
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Fun and multiplayer works ★★★★
by JonathanLikesLemons - Version 1.10 - Dec 2, 2013

Got this for my 2.66/4GB Core Duo 24” iMac (GeForce 9400) and absolutely no problems at all. Saw some complaints about multiplayer, but it worked quite easily for me. Got to play George, Richard’s fat roommate. George farts, A LOT, and it takes about a level to figure out how to control the farts, but by Level 4, when Richard and George are trying to score with the two girls, I was completely able to hold the farts in until the girls went to the bathroom.

4 out of 6 customers found this review helpful
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¡Me encanta este juego! ★★★★★
by rick4555 - Version 1.10 - Dec 2, 2013

Me compré este juego para mi hijo. Él tiene 12 años y ama la historia. ¡muy recomendable!

1 out of 6 customers found this review helpful
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NOT historically accurate! ★★★
by pocket_full_of_shells112 - Version 1.10 - Nov 30, 2013

Good game, but the music is NOT correct. In level 7, when Richard really buckles down to try and write his paper at 4 am the day it is due, he puts on a record, and the album you have to choose is ‘Quadrophenia’ by The Who. WELL. Something as quick as a SIMPLE GOOGLE SEARCH should have told the game’s creators that this album was released on October 19, 1973, and since this game CLEARLY takes place at the end of spring semester, 1973, then it is completely and utterly impossible that Richard could play this album. Are we supposed to believe that Richard, a simple college student, got an advanced copy of such a HIGHLY ANTICIPATED DOUBLE ALBUM?? What, did he know Pete Townshend? Give me a break.

3 out of 10 customers found this review helpful
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racist!! dont buy!! ★
by Nick De Luca - Version 1.10 - Nov 28, 2013

just about everyone in the game is white.

2 out of 4 customers found this review helpful
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THIS REVIEW IS FOR THE GUY BELOW ME ★
by jtt_82635 - Version 1.10 - Nov 12, 2013

OK so the guy a couple reviews before me COMPLETELY BLEW THE TWIST ENDING. DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT, READ THE REVIEW BY SAM_IAM1988. I cannot believe that someone would blow the ENTIRE ENDING in the review section. Amazing. My 1 star rating is for this guy, the game itself gets between 3 and 4 stars from me.

7 out of 9 customers found this review helpful
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Won’t dowload ★
by Don_E_Darko - Version 1.10 - Nov 6, 2013

3 days later and still wont download

0 out of 2 customers found this review helpful
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Wow. Bugs and Bugs! ★
by howie_man339 - Version 1.10 - Nov 6, 2013

Had this on xbox and loved it. But from the app store I hate it

1 out of 5 customers found this review helpful
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what a helluva twist!! didn’t see it coming! ★★★★★
by sam_iam1988 - Version 1.10 - Nov 1, 2013

playing this game was like watching fight club or usual suspects for the first time. it turns out that richard and his roomate george are actually the same person!! how do they think of that? THEN they show u a little montage, where they flash back to earlier parts of your game, and its like, how did I miss that? its crazy too, cause if u played multiplayer, and say u and a friend were playing richard and george, u actually were BOTH PLAYING THE SAME PERSON!! richard has been schizaphrenic this whole time and has hallucenated his roommate due to an acid trip he had as a freshmen!!

4 out of 15 customers found this review helpful
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Great Game ★★★★★
by rolf77789 - Version 1.10 - Oct 30, 2013

Got to get this game!!

0 out of 1 customers found this review helpful
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Great Game ★★★★★
by rolf77789 - Version 1.10 - Oct 30, 2013

Got to get this game!!

1 out of 4 customers found this review helpful
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assassination? ★★
by Johnny928282 - Version 1.10 - Oct 29, 2013

The only thing you will assassinate in this game is your soul. Not about the actual Kennedy shooting. No Oswald, no guy with the umbrella, nothing.

4 out of 7 customers found this review helpful
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Can’t get past level 4 ★★
by where_is_wald0 - Version 1.10 - Oct 26, 2013

ok, so i dont get it. Played this level as both richard and george, and simply CANNOT get the two girls to have sex with us. Tried getting them drunk, but you lose 10 points. whenever i get close, the head mistress comes in, smacks us with a rolling pin, and kicks us out of the dorm.

2 out of 9 customers found this review helpful
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Good, but ripoff of last game ★★★
by CalvinDW - Version 1.10 - Oct 21, 2013

this game is fun, but essentially a repeat of the earlier games they put out, lincoln assessination and mckinley assessination. both those games were better because of the time period. but they are all better than william henry harrison book report, a weird game from the 80s where a kid had to write a book report on william henry harrison but gets pneumonia and dies.

6 out of 12 customers found this review helpful
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MackBook pro gets hot!! ★
by SmithMike4 - Version 1.10 - Oct 17, 2013

only happens when THIS game runs. wtf

1 out of 5 customers found this review helpful
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AMAZING ★★★★★
by KantSucks1982 - Version 1.10 - Oct 15, 2013

This game is a MUST BUY! Visually and philosophically engaging. The journey that Richard Ludmark, a 22-year old college senior in 1973, takes will be your own dark, introspective journey. Join him on the eve of the morning that his big college paper on JFK is due.

In Level 1, he procrastinates like we all do, suggesting the very nature of the Western male. He drinks, fights, and fucks (or tries to), and eventually finds his way to the library, where you have to fight off potheads, who have used old newspapers to wrap their weed.

The cafeteria in Level 2 is a dizzying array of post-World War II adolescence. Every one there is trapped in their own Lacanian Real.

At Hedgewick Hall in Level 4, when George must hold in his farts so that he and Richard can score with the two coeds, there is a subtle sadness in the knowledge that animal nature must be repressed in the name of sexuality. The dance of intimacy is presented for everyone in all its ugliness, and we are reminded of Kierkegaard’s‘ love for Regine. When George betrays Richard and blames Richard for the flatulence, this treachery is felt in all its depths.

Level 5 can be called The Descent Into Madness, as Richard strikes up a conversation on a porch (his empty styrofoam cup suggests napalm and thus the Vietnam War).

Level 6 is the barbaric aftermath, and then Level 7 is of course when Richard must confront his own destiny, like the Star Child in 2001, and write his damned paper already.

4 out of 11 customers found this review helpful
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List Of Things To Do In 2014

1/5/2014

1 Comment

Treat self to venti frappuccino upon completing this list. None of that skinny shit, either.
Say “aaaaah” with each sip.
Leave cup on table. (What, do I work there now? I gotta throw away trash?)
Post list on office wall next to framed poster of Jaws 3-D.
Start giving self more credit. In fact, all of it.
Pay taxes.
But like, not all of them.
Rocket to top of field. (Field to be determined. Computers?)
Once at top of field, become CEO of whatever company leads whatever field I’ve chosen. (Really need to choose field soon.)
Lure dog into sweater sleeve. Put on youtube.
Be the mysterious, contradictory CEO. It’s like, “I can’t tell what he’s thinking, but his Jaws 3-D poster is so hilarious.”
Figure out Noel’s favorite animal and buy creepy giant stuffed one for Valentine’s Day. (If this slips mind, just assume bear.)
Buy giant bow for giant creepy bear. (Taller than garage?)
Like Noel’s facebook status about having best boyfriend ever.
Switch to soy, but only to “be cool,” and switch back when no longer cool.
Let employees wear green on St. Patrick’s Day.
Then tell local TV camera crew that “you’ve got to have fun around the office.”
Bring back fanny packs, but don’t take credit.
Pick catchphrase and run catchphrase into ground. (“I’m just Big J, and it’s a beautiful day”?)
Have good cry.
Say, “It was raining,” when employees ask about good cry.
If employees seem accepting of “good cry” as reasonable human activity, admit to it.
But if they try a good cry themselves, tell them to get the fuck back to work, we don’t pay little pansy asses.
Tweet more.
Pray more. (Jesus? Buddha? Figure out difference, if any.)
Schedule a little “me” time every day. Create event on facebook, invite all friends. (Be sure to make clear that “me” refers to me and not them, that this isn’t their time, it’s mine, so concentrate on me, douche.)
Curse loudly at mail boy.
Let mail boy dress as Paul Revere for Memorial Day.
Say to Noel before bed, “I’m still foolin’ em.”
Start pronouncing Tuesday as Tuesdy and see if anyone notices.
Try oysters.
Bet all company money on Brooklyn Nets to win NBA Finals, knowing they will lose. This is to set up fall from prosperity and eventual comeback.
Shrug when people discuss fall from prosperity.
Walk swiftly past paparazzi with hand over face.
Move back in with parents.
Teach mother how to use remote control.
Run into old friend in dive-bar and have heart-to-heart.
Buy new dog and write killer song parodies about dog. Perform songs at open mic comedy nights.
Chop down father’s favorite cherry tree, repent when confronted, and say, “I can’t tell a lie, Pa.”
Tweet even MORE.
Start giving one person one compliment every day. This can be self if not able to think of something to say to another.
Actually, just give self one compliment every day. This saves phone calls and thinking.
Become novelist.
No, journalist! This will set up return to prosperity.
Cover both Republican and Democratic National Conventions (happening this year? or next?) and write biting satires of each. Proclaim disappointment in American political system and gain reputation as being someone who “tells it like it is.” Make cover of Time for this and achieve comeback.
Enjoy post-comeback relaxation day on yacht.
Oh, yeah. Buy yacht.
Extend post-comeback relaxation day to week. Get good whore.
Try new, clever, stuffed animal-themed gifts ideas out on whore to possibly use on Noel.
If ideas don’t work on Noel, blame whore.
Dispose of whore. (Help from mob? Sopranos real?)
Sip pumpkin latte to commemorate autumn.
Get arrested for protesting war (war to be determined). Turn experience into article, turn article into book, grace cover of Time for second time in year.
Tweet SO GODDAMN MUCH MORE.
Give back to community. (Put dollars’ worth of change in Give A Penny/Take A Penny jar at Subway?)
Receive creepy giant stuffed squirrel with giant bow from Noel for Sweetest Day. Say, "It's not my favorite animal, but close enough."
Reveal that yes, I am the one who brought back fanny packs this spring.
Appear as guest judge on one of those annoying music shows where teenagers sing and everyone acts all impressed but there’s really nothing that impressive, cause come on, it’s just a singing voice and it’s not like they wrote the fuckin’ song. (Be the likable judge?)
Lure dog into Christmasy sweater sleeve. Put on youtube. This is a holiday sequel to previous video. Don’t use the word “Christmas,” that’s racist. (I think?)
Play major role in Jaws 4-D. (Figure out if 4-D exists)
Actually, direct instead.
Actually, just do cameo as Hooper’s quirky cousin, Pooper.
Pen “Ultimate Tweet” that will have them laughing, crying, and thinking for months.
Go back one step and pen "Penultimate Tweet" before "Ultimate Tweet."
Dress as Santa for children, but figure out way to not actually see children. (Green screen?)
Somehow die excitingly and tragically, right before Jaws 4-D premiere. (Oscar clinched!)
Make death right after someone less famous dies, so that everyone forgets other guy.
Posthusmously publish early novel. Somehow write introduction. Dedicate to Jesus. No, Buddha!
Have brain donated to Harvard. Wake up and say “Boo” when dorky med student is working. (Figure out how to do this. Advanced science?)

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All 21 Customer Reviews Of My New App, Kennedy Assessination For Mac (Sorted By Most Recent)

List Of Things To Do In 2014

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