Now approaching its 96th season, the National Football League has announced plans for a brand new scandal, currently slated to be manifested in January, 2016, and is currently taking submissions.
Are you one of 32 NFL teams and would like to be the center of next year's scandal? If so, fill out the form below by 6:00 PM EDT on February 15, 2015. This form is for Scandal Applicants only. If you are interested in submitting a regular season or post season game to be rigged in your favor, please instead visit NFLowners.org/GameFixer.
The 2016 Scandal is unfortunately limited to one team. Last year we received 22 submissions, and were only able to select three winners (Baltimore, Minnesota, New England). Before you submit, please make sure your application is the best that it can be. What value does your scandal provide for fans? Is it creative and exciting? Commissioner Goodell considers your application from multiple angles.
FAQ
Does my scandal have to rhyme with the word 'gate' or have some other clever pun?
No, but names are marketable and will be considered by our judges. Bear in mind that simply rhyming a word with ‘gate’ does not automatically win points. Both the Texans and Browns submitted ‘Ben Tate-gate’ in the past two years, but both were rejected for inconsistencies in the rest of their application.
What is the compensation?
You will receive unlimited media attention during the duration of your scandal. In addition to this, the referees will rig up to three regular season games free of charge, applicable two seasons following your scandal.
Why not the immediate following season?
This will seem too fishy to the fans, but one year later, they will have forgotten everything.
Will I lose a draft pick?
Possibly. It depends on how much anger your scandal drums up from the fans. Bear in mind that the commoners are forgetful, and if your scandal is shortly followed by a different hot media story (terrorists, cops, etc.), your scandal will possibly be forgotten and no draft pick will be demanded from you.
Can my submission fee be waived?
If you agreed to have three or more games rigged against you in the past 2 seasons, you are eligible to waive the $5,000 submission fee.
Can my team be accepted two years in a row?
No, Bill. Aren’t you on ESPN enough?
Do I have to scapegoat a player or coach?
Yes, although we leave this decision to you. Scapegoating is one of humanity’s great delights, and we wouldn’t dream of robbing you of this fun decision. Remember to get creative here, and take your time. Make a day of it! There’s no reason a ballboy or even a simple fan cannot be blamed for everything.
What if my scandal is too similar to a previous scandal?
Originality is taken into consideration, but remember that fans also enjoy storylines that mirror previous ones. This allows their feeble minds to draw parallels (i.e. “dude another spygate lol”).
What was with the Packers playing that prevent defense against the Seahawks?
Dude, I know, right!
Sometimes it’s very lonely being an NFL owner. How can I overcome my depression?
We recommend a uniform change! Add some new stripes, or perhaps a weird, trendy accent color like silver or grey. Your jersey sales will be through the roof.
Christ, that Scandal 2016 logo is awful! Was it made by some retarded 8 year-old who couldn’t afford Photoshop?
Hey, suck a dick!
Are you one of 32 NFL teams and would like to be the center of next year's scandal? If so, fill out the form below by 6:00 PM EDT on February 15, 2015. This form is for Scandal Applicants only. If you are interested in submitting a regular season or post season game to be rigged in your favor, please instead visit NFLowners.org/GameFixer.
The 2016 Scandal is unfortunately limited to one team. Last year we received 22 submissions, and were only able to select three winners (Baltimore, Minnesota, New England). Before you submit, please make sure your application is the best that it can be. What value does your scandal provide for fans? Is it creative and exciting? Commissioner Goodell considers your application from multiple angles.
FAQ
Does my scandal have to rhyme with the word 'gate' or have some other clever pun?
No, but names are marketable and will be considered by our judges. Bear in mind that simply rhyming a word with ‘gate’ does not automatically win points. Both the Texans and Browns submitted ‘Ben Tate-gate’ in the past two years, but both were rejected for inconsistencies in the rest of their application.
What is the compensation?
You will receive unlimited media attention during the duration of your scandal. In addition to this, the referees will rig up to three regular season games free of charge, applicable two seasons following your scandal.
Why not the immediate following season?
This will seem too fishy to the fans, but one year later, they will have forgotten everything.
Will I lose a draft pick?
Possibly. It depends on how much anger your scandal drums up from the fans. Bear in mind that the commoners are forgetful, and if your scandal is shortly followed by a different hot media story (terrorists, cops, etc.), your scandal will possibly be forgotten and no draft pick will be demanded from you.
Can my submission fee be waived?
If you agreed to have three or more games rigged against you in the past 2 seasons, you are eligible to waive the $5,000 submission fee.
Can my team be accepted two years in a row?
No, Bill. Aren’t you on ESPN enough?
Do I have to scapegoat a player or coach?
Yes, although we leave this decision to you. Scapegoating is one of humanity’s great delights, and we wouldn’t dream of robbing you of this fun decision. Remember to get creative here, and take your time. Make a day of it! There’s no reason a ballboy or even a simple fan cannot be blamed for everything.
What if my scandal is too similar to a previous scandal?
Originality is taken into consideration, but remember that fans also enjoy storylines that mirror previous ones. This allows their feeble minds to draw parallels (i.e. “dude another spygate lol”).
What was with the Packers playing that prevent defense against the Seahawks?
Dude, I know, right!
Sometimes it’s very lonely being an NFL owner. How can I overcome my depression?
We recommend a uniform change! Add some new stripes, or perhaps a weird, trendy accent color like silver or grey. Your jersey sales will be through the roof.
Christ, that Scandal 2016 logo is awful! Was it made by some retarded 8 year-old who couldn’t afford Photoshop?
Hey, suck a dick!
RSS Feed
